After the inspiration of International Women’s day last week, today, I want to tell you a story about a guy who changed my life.
In all honesty, this could have been a very long post as there are a quite a few guys who have changed my life. My two sons, Max and Sam, who have taught me, through their beautiful differences, the absolute power of unconditional love. My husband, Tim who showed up before I really knew how much I needed him. At a time when I was addicted to pursuit and ambition, he showed me the intrinsic value of simplicity and enoughness. My late father, John. I am only just beginning to realise how his legacy lives on inside of me, revealing itself through an innate desire for fairness and kindness. And John Overdurf, the founder of Humanistic NLP who has been my coach for nearly ten years and never ceases to amaze me with his insights and awareness of truth. I am blessed that so many men have touched my life so strongly.
You’ve probably heard me talk about all of them sometime before.
But today’s story is about a different guy. A man called Guy. Guy Finley.
I’d been in the personal development game for a while and thought I’d mastered the whole self-improvement lark when I started to get sick. What I didn’t know at the time was that the sickness was an emotional and physical burnout, brought on by the ceaseless quest to have my life measure up to unrealistic expectations. Constantly trying to be a better person living a better life took it’s toll. I felt like the Duracell bunny whose batteries had finally worn out!
Something had to give in my life but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what to change. I didn’t know how to let go.
It was frightening, overwhelming and intimidating. Is it really possible to spend forty years creating a life that then feels so misplaced?
I was lost and I needed help.
That help came in the form of a book — ‘The Secret of Letting Go‘ by Guy Finley. The title called me in. I wanted to know this secret. Chapter 1 started optimistically with “Let Go and Grow Happy“. Yes please! I wanted some of that.
I sensed that I was beginning a serene journey into the bliss of enduring happiness. I settled back under a blanket with a nice cup of tea. This was going to be a lovely experience.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
This book went where other personal development books fear to tread. Guy Finley calls us out on all the patterns of our ego that are cleverly designed to keep us comfortable and yet only make us blind. There are no soothing words of encouragement to tell us that ‘everything will be okay‘! Instead, we are woken up to the cold, hard reality that we are (and always will be) imperfect.
We learn that our fears and inadequacy (cunningly disguised in our need for judgment and superiority of others) are running the show. And the brutal truth that we will never find happiness by attempting to cover our flaws rather than facing and dealing with the pain. Trust me, you will not find this book in the light and easy reading section.
But this was the book I needed to read. It woke me up from the self-improvement trance that I think so many of us are lured into. This book wasn’t about trying to improve ourselves. It is about facing our fears head on so that they no longer have a hold over us. It is about being willing to reveal the parts of us that we despise — these are the parts that need the most love. And most of all, it is about being willing to feel what our mind tries to avoid. This is true courage.
Guy Finley became my teacher. I joined his Self-Realisation School and worked on uncovering the darkness so I could bring it into the light. Through his wisdom and guidance, I transformed. All fear dissipated. I was no longer driven by inadequacy to prove my worth. And I found love. Not a flimsy, cutesy, greeting card type of affection. Rather a tough, strong and indestructible love for others and, at last, for myself. This is the journey that I share in my latest book, From Pursuit to Presence.
Tomorrow, Guy Finley is launching his newest work and I was thrilled to be asked to support his project . I didn’t take much persuading as I know, first hand, the power of his work. In fact, 200 authors and success coaches are collaborating to share his message — and giving away 125 gifts in the process. If you are on my email list, you’ll be receiving details of this special deal tomorrow. Don’t worry if you are not — there is no need to miss out. Simply enter your first name and email below and you’ll be automatically included!
Will this be the Guy that changes your life too?