When my clients come to me with the issues that are frustrating or depressing them, one of the first questions I ask them is “How do you want to be in this situation?”
It isn’t a question that normally arises. Think about a time when you have shared a problem with a friend or colleague. More often than not, our greatest concern is with the content—What happened? Who did what? What went wrong? How can we fix it? Even the questions that are focused on solutions are fundamentally flawed.
When we are in the midst of a difficulty or crisis, we are limited by our perception of what is occurring— they have hurt me, this shouldn’t have happened, how can we minimize the damage etc.
In that moment, we are in the problem state energy and any solution will be born from the essence of that issue. Even the best options will tend to be limited to the resources available from the problem perspective. Worst-case scenario—we make small things a whole lot bigger.
What happens when we first ask, “How do you want to be different in this situation?”
Try it now. Think of any issue or niggle in your life and ask the question “How do I want to be different in this situation?”
What do you notice?
The question directs your attention to a future state — but rather than focusing on an outcome (i.e. what you want to happen), it points you to the most significant influence in the resolution of any problem you face—YOU!
Whether we want to be happy, peaceful, contented, motivated, confident or inspired, it is our inner state that takes centre stage. And do you want to know a secret?…. You can’t think of a state you want to experience without accessing it, at least a little bit (Don’t believe me? You can test that for yourself!)
Now you are no longer in the problem state. You have access to all the resources that come from that state you identified. What is possible when you are feeling motivated? What can you perceive differently when you are content? What could you do differently as you are feeling confident? The list is limitless.
Get the idea?
The tricky bit is extracting ourselves from the problem. Issues can be like an octopus with many tentacles that wrap around us and catch us out. That’s what we usually focus on when we discuss a problem. All the different aspects of what is wrong.
But it only takes a desire to change, to ask a question, and to follow the energy shift to create very dramatic results.
Now over to you…
So, how do you want to be different in this situation?